Kid Crap I Actually Like

There are a lot of things I don’t miss about being a kid, and things I suffer through now just for the kids. Digimon, Seek & Find books, games where I have to pretend to be a plastic pony spring to mind. But, some stuff meant for kidlets… I actually enjoy.

Playing Barbies. Barbie has some serious swag. The impossible shoes, fashion forward outfits, multiple careers. I don’t want to be Barbie; some of her incarnations are tramp-tastic; I just want the stuff. Her dream house is my dream house. That closet that goes on for miles, an Olympic-sized pool, a horse to ride at any time. It’s Kardashian-esque, but not nearly as x-rated.

Fairies. I hated the portrayal of Tinker Bell in Peter Pan. The short skirt and bitchy attitude just made me mad. So, when the first fairy movie came out, I was less than thrilled. Her leaves left little to the imagination. Why were the other fairies covered up and not her? Is it impossible to add an extra layer of ivy? Of course, my daughter watched it and loved it. Then I watched it and loved it. Tink is an engineer! There is friendship and of that warm and fuzzy crap! Eventually she did get some more leaves, thank goodness. I don’t like my smart, engineer fairies too skanky.

Magic shell. Turns any bowl of ice cream into a Klondike bar. Throw in some caramel, and it’s orgasmic.

Disney World. The princesses! The rides! The sheer magic of it all. Watching my kids having fun, means I have fun too. Plus, did you know that there are many pools where you can sit on the sidelines and drink margaritas? Seriously. The pool is fenced in, the water is shallow and a bar is nearby. That mouse is super fantastic and awesome.

Forts. Take sheets, pillows, chairs and an engineer of a husband, and you get paradise. I don’t fit in them very well since I am not three apples high anymore, but there is something so magical about creating your own little world. The kids love to watch movies and eat popcorn in their fort. For me, it’s a perfect place to hide. Take a glass of wine, go into the fort, and no one knows I am there. There is no screaming or crying in my fort; just blessed silence.

Dilly dallying. When I finally let go, which isn’t very often, I love looking at the world around me. Rabbits, leaves, all that outdoorsy shit. The kids do too. A hike that would take most people a half hour takes us at least twice that, because we’re making dirt mounds, examining fallen trees, and play guessing games with the clouds. I bond with the kids, and I don’t have to put much effort into hiking. It’s a win all over, really.

Giggle & snuggle fests. The kids crawl into my bed on a Sunday morning, and we cuddle up, laugh, and act unbelievably lazy before finally getting up for the day. It’s special and magical and I love it. I also love not having to get out of bed for an extended period of time on the weekends. If only I could convince my husband to get me coffee and a bowl of cereal, it would be perfect.

It’s cathartic to share my secret with all of you. Don’t you dare tell anyone, or else I won’t give you a bowl of ice cream with magic shell. It’s perfect when it’s paired with pinot grigio in a tent.