Weird Ass Crap I Found on Pinterest

Pinterest. I love and hate it all at the same time. The good: recipes I’ll probably never make, but REALLY want to, clothes that I could actually wear and look amazing in, and endless pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch and David Tennant.

Mmmmm… Cumberbatch…. Tennant…. I’m sorry. Where were we?

Yes, Pinterest.

And then there’s the bad. Anything crafty. I am crap at crafts. I have tried. Dear God, I have tried. And each time I am defeated in a humiliating fashion. It’s pathetic, really.

But then there’s a whole other side to Pinterest. There is a dark little rabbit hole of weird. And I don’t mean ironically weird. I mean weird weird.

Behold! The odd, creepy side of Pinterest.

weird-gnomes

Dude. What the hell? This is not normal.

The pinner said he wanted them for his birthday. You know what I want for my birthday? A purse, a massage, Not freaky-ass, nightmare-inducing gnomes. They are not gnomes. Where are the red hats? The cherubic smiles? NOT HERE.

skates

Work it, sell it, own it.

So, this guy has fans. Over 200 of them. Fans who repin his photos and shower compliments on him. Really. The dude in daisy dukes and roller skates has more fans than I do. Let that simmer a moment. Maybe I should wear skates and daisy dukes…. Maybe not.

oils

Yes, oils will stop snoring. And those weird foot pads really suck out toxins.

My husband snores like a freight train. I kick, pinch, pluck, and nothing works. He keeps on sawing those logs. So, you expect me to believe that oil on his feet will stop that buzzsaw? Really? I’d sooner believe my dogs are ninjas on the weekend. Just on the weekend though. They have naps to take care of during the week.

veggies

Veggies into pasta. Yes, that will happen.

Could you imagine turning vegetables into pasta? That’s dumb and weird. Not just weird. Seriously. It would never work. It would make a gooshy, stinky mess. And there is no way a child would ever eat that. Green pasta? Have the inventors ever met a child? Obviously not. Dumbasses.

dog

Poor dog. Poor, poor dog.

It wasn’t enough to shave the dog to help him cool down. No. They had to shave a pair of overalls into his back. I should call PETA.

barbie

Barbie, the Dia de Los Muertos edition.

Barbie has many fine qualities. She’s an astronaut, a horsewoman, she takes care of her many sisters, and cleans up her dog’s poop. I am good with that. I don’t need to know what goes on behind the plastic skin. Especially not with the girly parts. Although, I wouldn’t mind knowing how her feet are naturally angled for heels. I would love that. My hooves would sport awesome kicks all day long and never be uncomfortable because that’s just their shape.

exercise

Nope. Can’t say that happens.

Yeah, I have a hard time dragging my ass out of bed. Period. If someone offered my chocolate covered chocolate in the morning, I don’t know if I would be able get up and eat it. I’m that exhausted. Work out? I laugh in your general direction. Workout out in the middle of the night. Please. I might rupture my spleen with how hard I laugh at that thought.

So, you see, Pinterest friends, the world is a scary place. Weird, scary, and wonderful. Because, Benedict.

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15 Comments

Filed under Martini Madness

15 responses to “Weird Ass Crap I Found on Pinterest

  1. These were truly fabulous to behold first thing in a morning ๐Ÿ™‚

    Personally I think gnomes are scary assed little creatures anyway-at least with the ones above you won’t get any unwanted kids in your garden ploughing through your flower beds??

    And the pink haired guy is just freaky but man, I’d kill for his pins!

    As for the dog-that’s just animal cruelty! Look at it’s face, he knows he’s being ridiculed, I hope he bites a chunk out of his owner ๐Ÿ˜‰ xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, up Poney girl ๐Ÿ™‚ I enjoyed this. I want to adopt that poor dog. I have absolutely no idea what Pinterest is or how it works – I don’t pin, or tweet, or link, or anything else along those lines. I procrastinate enough with my blogging as it is ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. Oh, what a great giggle first thing in the morning! The daisy dukes?! Yes! I still don’t know how Pinterest works exactly, although I do use lots of google images for fondant kids’ birthday cakes and craft ideas. Now that I know they have evil gnomes in there, I might just have to find a way to join.

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  4. Great laugh for first thing in the morning ๐Ÿ˜€
    Pinterest is the great black hole of wasting time. I’ve been sucked into that vortex more than a few times and barely escaped with my sanity. Loved your tour of the weird side. I admit I couldn’t take my eyes of the daisy dukes. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  5. I didn’t realize you had a whole post on this, I just thought it was a board and you were showing us that pic. LOL! That dog makes me grit my teeth. GAH!

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  6. Yeah, that roller skating guy is a model and gay icon with a huge fandom. And he deserves it. Look at those buns!

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  7. Liz

    So much awesome. That poor dog! And I’m the weirdo who would totally invest in a see-through Barbie and scary gnomes. But I’m with you on crafting. the other day someone said DIY and crafting as if they were two different things and I’m still baffled.

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  8. Do a search for boards called “Health and Personal Care.” They pin things that range from paper cups (like, 47 different kinds of paper cups. Like more kinds of paper cups than you ever knew existed) to Vaseline to medical supplies to sex toys. And every single person who has one of these boards calls it the same thing–“Health and Personal Care.” It’s FREAKY. There’s some subculture out there that this means something to, but I’m damned if I know what it is. And I’m wiling to bet it’s something weird.

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