My Curls Lose the Fight Against Humidity

Ah, Summer. It’s warm, wonderful, and I can luxuriate in the sun like a cat. But, while I am a woman who loves Summer more than my husband loves bacon, my hair tells a different story.

I have been blessed/cursed with a magnificent mane of curly hair. On my best day, it resembles bouncy, beach waves and on its worst, I am rocking a mane worthy of the king of the jungle.

To tell what kind of day I’m having, I rate my hair on a scale of, “Normal to Simba.”

1. Normal, beautiful and bouncy.

2. Beyonce with her hair in the wind. Who am I kidding? I don’t look like Beyonce on my best day, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

My Curls Lose the Fight Against Humidity | Ponies and Martinis

I wake up looking like this.

3. A sweet baby chick. Fluffy, but still manageable and adorable.

4. Alfalfa. The Little Rascal, not the sprout. One of the great mysteries of the universe is, “Why is there always one curl that won’t behave?” It’s like your hair is taunting you. What a bitch.

5. Pre-makeover Anne Hathaway from The Princess Diaries. “This is as good as it’s going to get. Sigh.”

My Curls Lose the Fight Against Humidity | Ponies and Martinis

Shut. Up.

6. A full hipster beard, or unshaven poon tang. Lingering question, “Is there really a difference?”

My Curls Lose the Fight Against Humidity | Ponies and Martinis

Fluffy, wispy in places. Nope. No difference.

7. Justin Timberlake with his ramen-haired 90s look. This usually happens when I get a little too liberal with the curl-shaping mousse. Nothing compares to audibly rustling every time you move your head.

8. Pom-pom with google eyes. On particularly bad days, I lose my peripheral vision and can only see my fro. I tend to bump into a lot of things.

9. Troll doll. I call this look, “I overslept and tried to crunch a little water into my curls to get them to lie down, but had to run out before doing anything real to my hair, and this will be in a bun as soon as I can fund a mirror and 50 billion industrial strength bobby pins, and even then it’s a crapshoot because my hair is liable to repel the bobby pins and I’ll end up putting someone’s eye out.”

My Curls Lose the Fight Against Humidity|Ponies and Martinis

What is the troll to hair ratio here?

10. Simba. Naaaatsavayna….. babanitzivana… I am the Queen of Pride Rock, bitches, and don’t you forget it. (And if you point out that only the men have manes, I will take you down. And I’m not lyin’.)

My Curls Lose the Fight Against Humidity | Ponies and Martinis

I own this jungle, dammit.

No matter where do you fall on this scale today, I hope you have more good hair days than bad, and the power to give zero fucks on the days when nothing in the world is going to make your hair better.

Simba out.

photo credit: Closeup of Bluebell via photopin (license)

GIFs from Giphy

photo credit: Man with Beard via photopin (license)

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18 Comments

Filed under Martini Madness

18 responses to “My Curls Lose the Fight Against Humidity

  1. I’m turning 49 in August; I’m just glad I have a full head of hair no matter what it looks like…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I would kill for your hair … simba and all … anything but the limp and lanky mess I was born with.
    … but I can relate to #4. There is always one lock of hair that goes rogue. *sigh*

    Like

  3. In my ongoing battle to tame my frizzies, I had a Brazilian Blowout. The first one was fabulous — for about two months. Since then it’s been a crapshoot — with most of the time the crap winning. Thank God for flatirons!

    Like

  4. Seriously, we may have the same hair. Thiugh, most days being with “this is as good as its going to get… *sigh*”

    Like

  5. I wish you a happy summer and many good hair days! 🙂

    Like

  6. Can I tell you something disgusting and terrible? I haven’t washed my hair since BlogU. Shhhh

    I don’t care about these people IRL. You internet friends are the only ones worthy of my clean hair.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My daughter is right there with you. She pretty much lives in a ponytail once summer comes. Also, if you haven’t found Curly Girl hair products (online) you are totally missing out. They have changed my daughter’s life.

    Like

  8. Ha, I don’t even have curly hair but I think I inherited the frizz from my mom. If I don’t blow dry my hair it’s ponytail-time all day. If I do blow-dry, I can make it half a day.

    Like

  9. Linda Roy

    I don’t think John Freda has enough Frizz Eaze in all the world to eaze my frizz pain. Solidarity. Oh, the humidity!

    Like

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