You Want My Kids to Play With What?

I always keep my eyes open for new games or toys for the kids, and I have noticed a disturbing trend in what’s out there. Apparently, toy and game makers want my kids to play with poop.

Yes, poop. That disgusting, foul, corn-laden beast that haunts parents everywhere.

Here’s a sample of what I found:

1. Have Barbie pick up her dog’s poop. You feed the dog biscuits and it poops out brown tic tacs. I can barely get the kids to feed the dogs let alone clean up after them. With my luck it wouldn’t make my kids scoop poop, it would lead them to believe poop is like a tic tac and they’d eat it.

Barbie and Taffy

Barbie, Taffy, and her turds. The dog’s. Not Barbie’s.

2. Laughing Japanese Poop. It’s poop that laughs and dances. Since when does poop have a face? And when does that appear? Is there a giant piece of poo smiling away in my body right now? It’s just creepy.

3. Doggie Doo. The point of the game is to feed the dog, listen to it fart and then after it poops, you clean it up. And apparently, what comes out is runny, stinky, putty. Yes! Let’s all play with poop. And then we can rub it all over the walls and revel in the poopiness of it all.

See the yellow poop? Not only is the dog pooping, but it's also diseased.

See the yellow poop? Not only is the dog pooping, but it’s also diseased.

4. Dogs and cats can get in on this too, because who says humans should have all the fun? For our furry little friends there are toys for them shaped like poop. My dogs already eat an obscene amount of poop; theirs, the cat’s, random poo outside. Do I really want to train them to think of poop as a toy? They’ll start chewing it on the couch and asking me to throw it for them. No thank you.

Poop toys. For dogs. Ugh.

Poop toys. For dogs. Ugh.

5. Poopsy pets, the one toy in the mix that purports to be an educational one. It comes with a girl and her pet unicorn. You shove poop into the unicorn’s gullet and then sparkly, twinkly turds pop out the back. Does the education come from teaching kids that unicorns are real, or that poop comes out as a rainbow? Because, I don’t find either to be particularly true. Unless it’s the dogs’ poop after they eat a box of crayons. That stuff is rainbow-riffic.

The small balls are sparkly, unicorn poop. Fun!

The small balls are sparkly, unicorn poop. Fun!

6. A squishy poop toy. Having a bad day? Angry at your boss? Squeeze the shit out of your stress, literally. Yes, nothing relaxes me more than having a giant turd in my hand. It’s why I love changing diapers and wiping my kids’ butts. Oh, wait. Poop makes me gag. I have no urge to squeeze it. Does anyone?

Relieve your stress with this playful poop.

Relieve your stress with this playful poop.

7. Plushy poop and toilet paper. Yes, let’s give our poop a hug. It’s so naturally cuddly. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before. Poop as plush. It just makes sense.

So sweet! Just like poop was meant to be!

So sweet! Just like poop was meant to be!

Sadly, I found other varieties of poop. Honestly, what does it say about our society that people buy these things? Are we getting dumber every day? Or, am I giving too much of a shit about shit? It’s a question for the ages, really.

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19 Comments

Filed under Partying with the Ponies

19 responses to “You Want My Kids to Play With What?

  1. Sadly, I think you got it right when you suggested we are getting dumber. There is overwhelming evidence that it’s true. This is one of those examples. 😦
    Like you, I give a poop.

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  2. I . . .

    There is something wrong with a world where all these things–and more like them–actually exist.

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  3. Those toys are so ridiculous and disgusting! But I remember as a kid there was a doll that you fed and gave water and she would go to the bathroom and I wanted her so badly! Maybe kids have a different tolerance for bodily fluids.

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    • They must. I probably would have wanted a doll that pees too. I do remember a doll that was supposed to pregnant and you took the stomach off to deliver the baby. It seems ridiculous now, but I really wanted it.

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  4. That doll was Baby Alive. I had her. You fed her packets of food that were basically a kind of jello (sugar + gelatin that you mixed with water) and then you got to change her diaper. The problem was, she came with maybe four packets of food, and you fed her those in the 20 minutes after you got her home from the store. Then you nagged your mom to buy you Additional Packets Sold Separately, and made her wish she’d never heard of Baby Alive, and certainly had never bought it for you. She was awesome.

    I think the unicorn that poops rainbows is my favorite. I might have to get one of those for my office. Everyone needs a unicorn that poops rainbows.

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  5. OMG, #6 looks exactly like my five-year-old son’s poop! Not like his twins’ or the four-year-old’s or the seven-year-old’s, but the five-year-old’s!
    (Wait, did I just publicly announce that I can tell the difference between all four of my kids’ poops by the consistency, placement in toilet bowl and color? Why, yes, I did, thank you. Can someone please pass me the pooping unicorn?)

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  6. This is hysterical.

    I’ve bought my kids some messed up things..but I don’t think I ever bought poop toys.

    hmmm..ideas for the grandkids…..

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  7. Being a bit of a poop fan myself, these toys look awesome to me! I used to have a barbie toilet that you filled up with water and it made a real flushing noise. That was in the 80s and it was AWESOME!! Thanks for the laugh, these are cute!

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  8. Liz

    I love that we live in a world where someone thinks people will purchase these things. That said, the next time I have to participate in an office xmas gift exchange one very lucky person is going to get unicorn poop.

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  9. I kinda want the squeezable poop for work…

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