Tag Archives: vikings

Getting Pelted By My Husband

Typically, I write about my kids or the crazy things I experience. I got the feeling my husband was feeling a little left out when he asked, “So, where am I?”

Well, dearest, here you are.

My husband and I had a fairtytale beginning when we met almost 14 years ago in the basement of a fraternity house. Amidst the haze of beer fumes, I noticed him tending bar and thought, “Hey, this guy doesn’t look like a total douchebag; I think I’ll talk to him.”

One thing led to another, and I found myself inviting him upstairs to hang out. And drink kool-aid.

Seriously. It had been a long night and I was thirsty.

We had a long intellectual conversation about current events. Or we made awkwardly made small talk while mooning over each other. One of the two.

The point is, we parted ways that night without an exchange of phone numbers. Frankly, I was pissed off. We had a beautiful night of kool-aid and conversation. Didn’t that warrant him asking for my phone number? Apparently not.

According to him, he was trying to be suave and he planned on asking his roommate, who was dating my roommate for my number. I thought I had been mistaken in my assessment that he wasn’t a douche. So you can see how well his ploy worked out.

He finally got his head out of his butt and called me. He asked me to go to his date party with him, and for some reason I said yes. It must be because he is unbelievably gorgeous. I can’t resist him.

I prepared for the big night with great care. I picked out an ensemble that was sexy, yet casual, since we were going to a place that had a field, bonfire and barn structure for dancing. I show up, and he has a pelt for me to wear.

Did I mention the date party had a Viking theme? Yeah. And who is going to say no to their hot date when they ask them to wear a shapeless, grey pelt on top of their sex kitten outfit? Not this girl. I threw that pelt on like it was me who suggested wearing it.

Here I am, proudly pelted and making the rounds with my date’s  friends. He goes to introduce me to one of those friends, and calls me, “Erin.”

My name is not Erin, it’s Carrie.

Not only have I been pelted, but I’ve been called by the wrong name. The whole hot and adorkable thing he has going on might not compensate for this.

What he said later was that he was bad with names. He thought my name was spelled Keri. And when my name didn’t immediately leap to his lips, he said all he could remember was “Eri” and thus, my name became Erin. Uh huh.

The date got better after that. It had to, right? We had great conversation, we danced and snuggled by the bonfire.

Later, we found ourselves dancing with other people. The guy I was dancing with was behind me when I felt him reach around to my front, and grab my boobs.

What the hell? I have now been pelted, called by the wrong name and felt up by one of my date’s friends.

I was a little tipsy, so of course I reacted very calmly. I ran in the general direction of my now husband, slipped in a puddle of beer and slid shin-first into a table. I thought I had broken my leg.

Are you keeping track? Pelted, name forgotten, felt up, and bruised.

I didn’t tell my husband about being felt up until after the date was over because I didn’t want to stir anything up.

I want to slap my younger self. I didn’t want to stir anything up? After the night I had, I should have stirred the pot, brought it to a boil, and then broken it.

Obviously, I found it in my heart to have a second date, a third date, and a lifetime of memories with him. Mostly because he’s hot, but also because he got rid of that ugly pelt.


Filed under Martini Madness

I Am An Award Winning Bag Of Awesome!

Today, I awoke to the wonderful news that I have been awarded the Liebster Award by the swagtastic, Daddy Anarchy (check him out; hi-to-the-larious). I shall take a moment to let the applause die down.

Liebster Award BadgeWhat’s the Liebster Award, you might ask? Why, it’s only the most awesome award ever. I get to share all about me, and then get other bloggers to share all about themselves. We bloggers as a whole are a shy bunch, unlikely to reveal too much, so this is the perfect opportunity to get us out of our shells.

Now, this is not an award I take lightly. It comes with great responsibility. I have to state 11 facts about myself, answer 11 probing questions from Daddy Anarchy (tee hee, I used the word “probe”), and then pass the torch to at least three other bloggers (who have less than 3,000 followers), and ask them compelling questions about themselves. They in turn give this great honor to other bloggers and so on and so forth until we are all joined in one giant bloggy hug. It’s good stuff.

So, here we go. Eleven super fantastic fun facts…

  1. I am originally from the great state of California, and I moved to Ohio to attend The Ohio State University. Don’t forget the “The.” They take it seriously there.
  2. I hate snow. Passionately. Every single flake. And I’ve lived in a snowy state for 18 years. FML.
  3. I was a Classics major in college, which means I spent four years studying ancient Greece by analyzing pots and old plays. (Spoiler alert to anyone else majoring in Classics, or Greek and Latin as it is now known, it does not lead to a real job once you graduate)
  4. For roughly eight years, I worked on the websites at two different news stations in Columbus. There were amazing highs and soul-crushing lows. I wouldn’t trade it for anything as I met two of my best friends and earned a great deal of perspective on the world at large.
  5. I took a sabbatical from college and lived in San Diego for a few months. I worked at the Natural History Museum, and I had the opportunity to help dissect a mountain lion that had been attacking dogs in the area.
  6. When I was little I did voice over work for commercials and I had the opportunity to work with Lorenzo Music, also known as the voice of Garfield. I’ll give you a moment to get over the jealousy.
  7. I was the Twister champ in high school.
  8. I have visited every mission in California. My favorite part of the mission to visit was the cemetery. I used to make up stories about the people that were buried there.
  9. Never have I ever… watched any of the Rocky or Rambo films. I know I’m missing something culturally, but I just can’t bring myself to watch them.
  10. I could eat my weight in Cadbury Creme Eggs. The great joy of my life was traveling to London and realizing they sell them year round. Oh, and I liked the city too.
  11. My first date with my husband was at a college date party, wearing a pelt and viking helmet. One of his friends felt me up when I was dancing with him. I ran away shrieking in terror, slipped on a puddle of beer and slid into a folding table, bruising my shin. It was a great way to make a first impression.

Now, on to the probing questions.

  1. Who is your favorite author? It’s a toss up between Jane Austen and Margaret Atwood.
  2. Who’s your biggest hero? My dad. He’s smart, creative, caring and has a very insightful humor. He has never failed me. Yes, he is flawed, but what great hero isn’t?
  3. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be: I would have abs of steel. I want to be able to bounce a quarter off of them.
  4. Leno or Letterman? (and don’t be a smartass and say “Leno’s not one anymore” or “what about Conan, or the other guys?”) Before the whole Conan O’Brien thing, I would have said Leno, but I thought that coming back was kind of a kindergarten, taking my ball back, kind of move. I also feel like I can’t say Letterman, because he seems so bitter. So, if I have to pick, I’ll go with Leno. He had genuine comedic skills and he passed the torch on to the HILARIOUS Jimmy Fallon.
  5. Have you ever mixed french fries with a Wendy’s Frosty? No, but I did eat fries with ice cubes. Does that count?
  6. Now that I’ve introduced you to mixing french fries with Frosty’s, will you try it? I shall!
  7. Favorite 80s hair metal ballad? Poison. I love me some Bret Michaels.
  8. If you were a comic strip character, who would it be? Hobbes. I am the sassy sidekick type.
  9. In the next 30 seconds, name as many different words for “ass.” Go! Butt, tuchous, hind quarters, flanks, marshmallow pillows, fluffin’ stuff, junk in the trunk, badonkadonk. I think that was 30 seconds worth.
  10. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Jacob. Edward was so whiny and annoying. Plus, who sparkles? If my husband came home sparkly, I would he assume he spent the night in a stripclub. If he came home, transformed into a wolf and snuggled up to me, I’d be okay with that.
  11. What, if any, stereotypes do you fall into? I am a terrible woman driver. I learned to drive in California and I also have horrible spatial skills; I am always trying to squeeze between cars that really cannot accommodate my massive minivan.

Now, for my nominations…

  1. The Monster in Your Closet – Intellectual and introspective. I feel smarter for having read her blog posts.
  2. ComfyTown Chronicles – Random, and delightfully so. Plus you have to respect anyone who posts a picture of herself in a chicken hat.
  3. The DoctorDiva Gets Healthy – She’s funny and a doctor. One day I’ll ask her to look at the weird growth on my husband’s hand (seriously, what the heck is that thing?).

And, my questions to them:

  1. What do you want to be when you grow up?
  2. What is your favorite ice cream flavor and why?
  3. If you could change one moment in history, what would it be?
  4. Pick the ultimate superpower.
  5. Cats or dogs?
  6. How did you pick your blog’s name?
  7. What is your favorite post that you have written?
  8. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
  9. You can only eat one thing for the rest of your life. What is it?
  10. Describe yourself using one word.
  11. Any regrets?

Okay, that’s it. Way too long of a post, even for me and I am the most verbose person I know. Enjoy what I’ve whipped up and pass the love along to others. Namaste!


Filed under Martini Madness