Tag Archives: bluntmoms

Pennies From Heaven – 7 Rules of a One Night Stand

Friends! I am over on BLUNTmoms today, with a topic that really lights a fire under my ass; one-night stands.

It irks me to no end that a woman is judged just because she decides to engage in a little carnal activity after a first date. Catch my entertaining rant over there.

Here’s a preview:

There are women all over the world who believe the “Third Date Rule” is written in golden tablets and stored at the top of a mythical mountain. 

This is the rule that decrees a woman may not have sex with anyone she is dating before the third date has come to pass. If she defies this law, she will be branded as a “whore” or “slut” and will suffer the ridicule of all whom she meets.

I call bullshit. BULLSHIT.

Go inside the mind of a foxy woman who does engage in one night stands, and feel free to comment, share, and pimp the hell out of that shit.

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Goldfish, Cleanses, and One Popular Pony

Goldfish, Cleanses, and a Popular Pony | Ponies and Martinis

Hello, friends! I come with glad tidings; I am featured on not one, but TWO fantastic websites today. I don’t know who I owe a handjob to for this tremendous honor, but I will do my best to not find out because I am not an enthusiastic dick wrangler.

And with that bit of TMI, let’s get to the previews, shall we?

First up is a piece I wrote for BLUNTmoms, called A Hate Letter to a Cleanse. Yup. It’s about how I went on a cleanse and suffered the most embarrassing moment of my life. Feel free to laugh at me; I do it all the time.

Excerpt:

Over the years, I have tried many different diets, and exercise regimes… whatever I thought might make me thin or healthy (or both). One of the most memorable was the time I tried a 10-day cleanse–not only because I couldn’t have a glass of wine for 10 days, but because it resulted in mind-blowing embarrassment.

To give you a little context, a cleanse requires eating clean, or not eating anything you can’t pronounce, taking a variety of supplements that expel the toxins in your body, and probiotics to restore what has been flushed out.

It’s as awesome as it sounds.

Read the rest on BLUNTmoms.

Second, I am featured for the first time on Crayons and Collars, a great site for families juggling pets and kids. My story is called What Happens When Kids Pet the Fish, Or Why Carnivals Are Evil. This not a how-to for goldfish, so please do not do as I do, or, more precisely, as my kids do.

Excerpt:

When I took my kids to the school carnival, I didn’t think anything bad would happen. We had been in years past, and it had always been the same; eat a hot dog, win horribly cheap prizes, and come home with face paint that’s impossible to scrub off.

This year was different. This year, there were goldfish.

All I can say is, “Poor Fishy.”

Check it out, and as always, enjoy, share, and then share again.

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Busy Bees, Buzzing Toward Insanity

Greetings, friends! I am over on BLUNTmoms today, talking about the high-speed nature of everyone’s lives and how it’s all a bunch of manufactured crap.

A little teaser for you…

Once upon a time, I worked in a newsroom. There were long hours spent chronicling murders, arson, car crashes, and finding something to grab viewers by the throat when nothing else was happening.

To work 10 or 12 hours in a day wasn’t unheard of, and one of the favorite pastimes in the newsroom was to complain/brag about how many hours you had worked. Those who didn’t measure up in this contest were shunned. You got your work done in 8 hours? You took a lunch break? Oh! The horror! 

You might think this verbal dick measuring is isolated to the newsroom, but you would be mistaken. Take a look at the people in your life. If you ask an old friend how they are doing, the answer is no longer, “Fine,” it is, “I’ve been busy.”

Read the rest over on BLUNTmoms, and as always, comment, share, and enjoy!

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Delivery Room Drama: My Daughter Fell Out of Me

Good day, friends! Today, I’m back over at BLUNTmoms sharing the story of how my sweet baby girl came into the world. Honestly, it’s no wonder I am not having any more kids.

Here’s a preview to pique your interest:

Even before she was born, my daughter liked to screw with me. She managed to convince my OB that she was a boy, so I spent roughly 20 weeks prepping to have another penis in the house. That all changed when I got an up-close-and-personal, 3D look at my baby.

We had told the technician we were expecting a boy, so the surprise was palpable when she pointed out the hamburger buns on the screen. I thought there had to be a mistake.

Read the rest over at BLUNTmoms. You won’t regret it, I promise.

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Baby Names for the Unprepared

Hello friends! I have been given the honor of being featured on BLUNTmoms, a collection of posts from hilarious, introspective, smart, and amazing women.

Inspired by fellow blogger Foxy Wine Pocket, I offer you a preview of what you’ll see at BLUNTmoms (and seriously, read her post over there too. AMAZING).

I came across a baby name generator where you could search for a name based on its meaning, like “Gift from God,” or “Blessing.” It got me thinking. What if you gave your offspring a name based on how you were really feeling when you found out you were pregnant?

Let’s explore.

Seriously. Why are you still reading this? Get over there now!

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Earworms and Happy Hour

In case you missed my squees of delight this weekend, I was published by BluntMoms as a Wannabee Blunt blogger. I’m sure it’s my first step to super stardom.

My post was all about how I went to happy hour and was… found to be hot! Yes, it’s totally true. Anyway, check it out and since the post made me think of Rod Stewart, I am sharing this earworm with you.

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